Wednesday, May 30, 2012
They are so unaware of what a beautiful and simple space they are in.
Whether it's simply lust, simply infatuation, or a simple love accented by both the before, they are unaware of how beautiful and adventurous that moment in life is.
The moment when touching fingers causes a lightning strike of electricity to flash through your awakening body. The moment you kiss in a shy but eager fashion, your tongues touching for the first time in an unsure but fire filled movement. And once the rhythm is set you become satisfied or too frightened to go further so you kiss for hours!
The moment your dream girl sits on your lap and you're unable to contain your physical excitement; she feels it too but doesn't quite know how to take it from there.
Those moments filled with fear, pain, lust, love, heat and fire, uncertainty, desperation and delight. If we only knew at the time just to sit in those moments and to embrace them with abandon (although I'm sure some of us did...me included). That in a few short years our lives would be increasingly less simple, that money, children and 'knowing better' would destroy or at least taint our adolescent pursuit of pleasure and love.
Not that we don't need it anymore, we just won't give ourselves the permission to occasionally act with such reckless abandon. Maybe 'cos our brains have taken the whole consequences thing and run with it. (Party poopers).
I like to think that we have something to learn from these young lovers. How much fun would it be to go out and pash your husband disrespectfully in a public place (ensuring that you get dirty looks from grandmas!) or hold hands and make stupid eyes at each other in the supermarket and make people think "why don't they just get a room".
Our love(s) should never stop being an adventure, and if it has... be a hero and change it!
Single? Pashing some random in the nightclub mightn't be the classiest move, but gosh it is naughty and fun - makes you feel like your alive and nasty!
So don't forget to occasionally pay homage to the adolescent inside you, she/he is still there waiting for that fire to be lit, for that bit to be groped.... And just thank God...after all these years at least you know what to do with it now (I hope).
Friday, May 4, 2012
And then I prove myself wrong...
In a move unthinking in a place of selfishness and self satisfaction I unthinkingly abandon all my 'conscious action' and hold back information that could effect my 'friend' for the rest of their life.
I now continue on still sitting in a place of shock and disgust at my OWN behaviour. And amazed at the way I just 'didn't' think. Any excuse that my brain comes up with is just BS to me at one level, cos what I did is just not OK. Not with the person I have hurt and even more so not with me.
Now here I am contending with a constant knot in my gut, with constant oscillating in my thought process "Oh my Gosh, how could I do that to someone"
"Well I can't be measured in entirety by my wrongs"
"Oh my Lord, how self obsessed are you?"
"Is this person ever going to forgive me?"
"Even if they do, how am I going to forgive myself?"
And then I have to deal with the fact that I have lost a good friend and I am entirely to blame...
As for forgiveness???
That is out of my control, I feel like I am worth forgiving, that I truly do.... What that looks like I do not know, but as in a movie that I can't remember...I'm trying to get back in the nook.
And I miss my friend everyday.